Friday, October 30, 2015

Day 30


We did it.

Assuming my face doesn't fall into a box of donuts from now until I fall asleep, we have successfully completed our first Whole 30. Through weddings with open bars, birthday parties with candy buffets,  travelling Comedy Festivals, and even Las Vegas we stuck to the plan. We stayed the course.

We did it.

My husband gave me the SWEETEST gift today. Go check out my Instagram page to see it! I couldn't believe it! Also, shout out to all my dearhearted students that read this blog and interrogate me regarding all things Whole 30 in the classroom. You guys are awesome.

Wish me, and my donut-less face, good luck these last few hours.


Thursday, October 29, 2015

Day 29....


Guys. That was actually REALLY fast.

I never understood why some people were using #Whole45. Now I do.


Hallelujah. Because the idea of going back to eating OFF the Whole 30 now is TERRIFYING.

I can't believe I am done with The Whole 30. Which is why I've decided to keep it a Whole 45. The results are REALLY that awesome.

But you know what my proudest result is?

My husband and 9 year old son WANT to do one. Like, they ASKED me about it.


How amazing is that?

I'll just be over here in the corner, eating my food, cheering on my awesome family.

(P.S. for more pictures of what I eat check out the ole Instagram!)

Tuesday, October 27, 2015


I almost forgot! It's Tuesday! Here is my weigh in information: (Reader, I cringe.)

146.4 pounds
65.7 lbs SMM
19.4 % body fat

For those of you keeping track, thats NOT GOOD.

That's up in body fat and down in SMM. No no noooooooo!

More protein. Seriously. MORE PROTEIN.

Anyone have any suggestions? As my marathon training progresses I'll keep running the risk of losing my muscle mass. This will not do.

So, Dear Readers, how do you protect your muscle mass while putting in extra miles?

Change of Perspective

 Hey Internets!

Manuel is back with another motivating post for us! This one is solid. Manny reminds me ALL THE TIME to keep my head in the game, and I hope he does that for you too. Here we go!


     So I started writing this couple days ago and was not happy with it. The title kept ringing

in my head but I just couldn’t get it done. Until today that I read these quotes

“remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go” and “you may not be

where you want, but not where you were.”

     We’ve all heard these before or some sort of variation; like the cup half full or half

empty kind’ a thing - which I still get confused. But to me it resounds truer than ever

especially on the ever-elusive quest of personal fitness. Side note - had to make sure

‘truer’ is right just in case Professor Danger got on my case. (Prof. D. here: He's right.)

     See, I love working out because it’s a parallel of life – you get what you put into it. Same

with our bodies, we feel and perform according to what we eat. So it’s all connected –

ok, got sidetracked, ADD is kicking in. My point is… If you’re like me that am too hard on

myself, ease off some of the pressure. Now don’t slack off, keep pressing – literally.

     Even if you’re “back to square one” – I was playing monopoly recently – (gosh this ADD

thing). My… point… is… Every major change takes time and perseverance and there are

no shortcuts. But you can focus on what you have left or how much you have

accomplished. So far it’s working well.

     Hope you’re having a great week. If not, change your perspective 

Let’s go!


Monday, October 26, 2015

A Weekend in Vegas on the Whole 30

Yes, yes it has been too long.

Here is how you survive the Whole 30 while in Vegas: Stay away from all things Vegasy.

We were in Las Vegas this weekend visiting my brother and his family. I didn't even have to pack any food in my purse this time! But I did eat ground turkey, brussels sprout slaw, and yams in the dark in the middle of the desert while driving, which did not please my mother. We went hiking and grilled out and the kids made s'mores. And! And! Get this- I was helping my youngest smoosh his marshmallow in between his graham crackers and I got a bunch of marshmallow goo on my thumb and forefinger. Enough to eat.....but I did not. I left it there on my fingers until we were all done with everything and then I went inside and washed my hands. Made it out unscathed.

Here is a non-scale victory for you, to the largest degree. With all the strength training this year and how great I feel now on the Whole 30 I am able to do things I never thought I would be able to do. Things I didn't even know I WANTED to do until I discovered them. A few weeks ago I was able to overhead press my 6 year old to the ceiling while he pretended to be Wolverine. This weekend my non-scale victory was helping my brother take the engine out of our Dad's old 1950 Chevy pick-up. I was strong enough, I am strong enough, to be out there in the garage helping him the whole way. And that is something.

Only a few more days on the Whole 30. I am almost finished! We'll get there yet!

P.S. YOU GUYS. My students READ MY BLOG. How cool is that? (Hello students!)

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Day 20

Hey! It's Tuesday! I weighed in with my coach this morning:

149.1 pounds
67.0 SMM
19.1 % body fat

So, my body fat is down 03%. I gained 1.5 pounds BUT my SMM is up 1.1 so I'm pleased. (Do you hear that, Gregg? I'm pleased!)

Yesterday I was heading to a fancy dinner with my husband and I knew that there would be NOTHING for me to eat, so I packed a pork chop and a sweet potato in my purse. I was immediately pissed.

I am. So. Sick. of PURSE FOOD.

And my husband knew it, so instead he took me out to dinner at this cool little gastro pub in Carlsbad called The Compass. They server was SO NICE and she let me bombard her with questions and she brought me EXACTLY what I wanted. And it was delicious. And I didn't have to cook it!

I threw the pork chop away. DEFINITELY still ate the sweet potato.

It was a welcome reprieve.

P.S. Check out my Instagram page! I started my marathon training. You can poke fun at how slow I am !

Monday, October 19, 2015

How Bad Do You Want It?

 Hey Internets!
Today we have a nice little gem of a post from one of my teamates, Manuel. Here's a little sneak peek into what goes on in that head of his when we train together. He's an awesome training partner and I am so excited to share this post with you.


Defeat disappointment, annihilate weakness, and punish the competition… Those words

kept ringing in my ear throughout a nice workout this morning. Who is the competition?

For me, it is myself… I don’t worry about the next person. That takes care of itself. If I

keep pushing I know eventually I’ll get to a point where I can pick a “rabbit” to go after.

Today was one of those workouts that you’re like “Shit, I don’t know if I’m gonna finish

this.” You look left and right, back and forth for an excuse. Oooh, my hands hurt, I’m out

of breath, my legs are sore, etc. But trust me, when you keep those words in your head,

you keep yourself in check. You don’t have to be the strongest or the fastest; God knows

I’m not. Go lighter in weight if you have to, there’s no shame on that. I did today, and do

often. Just make sure it is something that gets you out of a comfort zone safely and is

one more step towards being the best version of you.

By the way, those words: “defeat disappointment, annihilate weakness, and punish the

competition” are not my own. I encourage you to watch this video every so often and

tell me what you think in the comments.

How Bad Do You Want It?

Let’s go!


p.s. sorry about the ads on the video.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

We Did It!

Look! Cory completed his first Obstacle Course Race!

He loved it! The second we crossed the start line he was on fire! I knew we were on to something when he snapped at the people walking in front of us on the stairs. I was like, "Dang! Here comes the competitive side!" It was SO. MUCH. FUN.

And! And! And!

There was a partner carry obstacle. Yup. I did it. I carried him on my back for the second half. SURE AS HELL DID.

And then, to top it all off, at the end of the day we had a nice little Team Building Experiment. On the side of the 405.

The team "Magic Bus" broke down. Here's my husband, my training partner Manny, and my Coach Gregg. Our final obstacle of the day took hours, but we had a great time even on the side of the road.

Speaking of Manny, make sure you come back tomorrow! He is guest blogging and it is SOLID. You'll want to read it. You really will.

Happy Sunday All,



Friday, October 16, 2015

Gladiator Rock n' Run

Tomorrow I will run my first race on the Whole 30. Usually I have oatmeal in the morning with a ton of berries. Then, on the course I have Clif Shot Bloks (Yay Clif!) about every mile or so. I'll drop some electrolyte tabs in my hydration kit too. These things help keep me going and hydrated.

But you cannot have these things on the Whole 30.


I have packed a banana (I am so. sick. of. bananas!) with some raisins for pre-race, plain water for hydration, and a RX Bar for protein after the race.

I am a little nervous, truth be told. However, I am not running for time tomorrow, just for fun (how novel!) so this is helping calm the competition beast.

Also, can we talk about how AWESOME is it that The Femme Royale POSTED ME TO THEIR FACEBOOK PAGE?!


Thursday, October 15, 2015

Are we there yet?

Today is day 15. Assuming I can successfully keep my face out of cake or a bottle of wine until I collapse from exhaustion at 8:30 at night, I will have completed half of The Whole 30.

And look what The Hubs did for me!  I left for the gym extra early this morning (thank you JURY DUTY) and this was waiting for me!

So. Folks, it looks like we're doing it. I already posted a list of benefits so far and I stand by those. I feel better than I have in forever.

The hardest thing so far? Coffee.  The first few days I was still having coffee, but technically coffee is NOT allowed on the 30 day Paleo Challenge. My coach "lovingly" corrected me on day seven. So I've weened off of it significantly. I am down to one french press in the morning. For those of you that know me, you know this is a big deal. You don't have to hold your applause! Let me hear you!

But seriously guys, the coffee is the thing. I craaaaaave it. I find myself trying to rationalize reasons to have some.

"It's a double dipper day."
"I started at 5 this morning."
"I have evening classes."

And, my favorite so far, "I CAN DO WHAT I WANT."

But cutting down on my coffee intake has helped my performance in heaps. I don't feel dehydrated after my training sessions, I don't get headaches after working out, and I am definitely (FINALLY) sleeping better.

To be honest, I don't know if I will maintain this forever. I really like coffee. REALLY. But, it's nice to have a basic understanding of how my body reacts to coffee and then proceed from there. So, we'll see.


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Bacon Soup

I sent The Hubs to Costco for me last week, with a list. I should have proofread the list because when he came home with two bags of mixed peppers, three boxes of tomatoes, and two HUGE bags of cut vegetables I died a little inside. God bless the man for his patience. He didn't even say anything.

So now I have all these extra vegetables, like enough for an army of starving vegans. (They always look so hungry!)

This morning I was in a particularly great mood (THANK YOU WHOLE 30) so while I graded the last of my Don Quixote essays I started cooking. I roasted half the broccoli and made a chopped broccoli salad with the other half. I curried all the cauliflower. I peeled all three boxes of tomatoes for tomato soup.

Did you hear me?


I made two packs of perfect bacon. Perfect. I roasted three whole sweet potatoes.

Hey wait a minute.

Bacon. Tomato soup.

Guess what I had for lunch?

Like, half of it.

I was hungry. And it was delicious.

So thanks Babe. Thanks for humoring your scatterbrained wife who sends you to Costco with a shopping list meant for Sprouts. You're the man, man. (There's a little soup with bacon left for you at home honey. And I mean a little!)


Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Weigh In Day

It's Tuesday. It's weigh in day. Here goes:

147.6 pounds
19.4 % body fat
65.9 muscle mass

So, since starting the 30 day challenge I have lost 4 pounds and about 1% body fat. In twelve days. Not bad. (Note- you are NOT supposed to weigh yourself on the Whole 30!)

Here's a list of benefits I've already noticed:

  • My husband complimented my skin the other day (out of nowhere! he wasn't even in trouble!)
  • I FEEL leaner
  • The waist of all my pants are loose (yay!)
  • I am DEFINITELY less stinky when I sweat (lets be real here folks)
  • My hair is shinier. I know, I know. But, really. I had my husband pet it the other day it was so soft. And yesterday someone at the gym complimented it, so- validation. Not crazy. It's actually shinier.
  • General mood improvement - especially at night. No more raging Momster during the witching hour (Praise Norma!)

So far so good. Today is day thirteen. Almost halfway there.

You know what I miss the most? It's not even wine, which is what I THOUGHT it would be. It's peanut butter. I REALLLLLLLLLY miss peanut butter. Soon. Soon.....


Sunday, October 11, 2015


Hi! Hello! Hey!

I survived the wedding! I DID IT. I ignored the open bar and the cupcakes that were piled high with frosting, some of them dipped in fudge sauce even. Sitting there....gleaming in all their chocolate glory.....

Who am I kidding. IT WAS SO FUCKING HARD.

But, I did it. Everyone made fun of my purse food. For the FIRST half. Then, after dinner service was delayed TWICE and I was the ONLY one eating, you better believe they wanted in on that chicken and sweet potato. I had no shame. Plopped those bad boys out onto my plate, unwrapped my silverware, and peppered everything. Like a boss.

Instead of eating cupcakes I dance the night away with little long haired Brooklyn. That boy slid on his knees across the dance floor to me, shook it to Footloose and even TWIRLED me TWICE with those little boy arms. He was a solid leader.

Tonight we are going to Oddball Fest at Irvine Meadows. But this time, security will check my bag. And probably take my purse food. So, we shall play it by ear friends.

Cross your fingers for me!


Thursday, October 8, 2015

I Survived Week One

Well, we did folks. We survived week one.

I have to tell you, I do feel amazing. For some reason I am having the hardest time sleeping though, which is an odd side effect to have. It doesn't seem like many people experience insomnia on the 30 Day Challenge, so if you have some helpful advice for me I will take it.

Yesterday almost did me in. I turned in my manuscript packet for the month (late) and could not make my celebratory dinner and open a bottle of wine. And I reeeeallllllly mourned that. I felt it people. FELT IT. And I was upset over something I had no business being upset about and I discovered that my response was to eat. Anything. Specifically, anything that is not Whole 30. Which, thanks to the husband, I didn't. But it was an eye-opener in terms of eating behavior to be sure.

I am going to a wedding tomorrow guys. A wedding. With delicious food. And cake. And champagne. AND AN OPEN BAR. I am a little stumped on how to proceed. I filled out my food preferences months ago - the hubs got steak and I got chicken. But I am sure it will be sauced or stuffed or whatever and I don't know what to do. Pack food in my purse? Privately ask the caterer to accommodate me? Is that rude? And like, what if someone says something about me pulling half a roasted chicken out of my purse? TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, October 6, 2015

End of Day 6 - Hint...It was a son of a bitch

Well, we did it.

Pretty solid sugar cravings all day, but we made it through. The poor student in my 4:00 class ate two chocolate chip cookies the size of HIS FACE in front of me today. I mean, he sits right in front of my desk, and like, the child can eat whatever he wants...BUT STILL.

Pretty solid, food wise, all day. All that cooking on Sunday is paying off. Had fritatta with bacon and avocado and pico de gallo for breakfast. Chicken hash for lunch. Chicken, squash soup, and a huge salad for dinner. All from The Whole 30 cookbook. Needed snacks today (this morning's workout was in-fucking-tense) but I had my handy dandy RX bar in my bag, and some berries.

But, I did break a rule today. It's true. Look at me- rule breaking. I weighed myself today, which according to the Whole 30 rule #7 you are not to do.


It's Tuesday, and I always weigh in for my records and for my coach on Tuesday's. That's what we do. So that's what I did. And, even though we are NOT supposed to gauge weight loss during the 30 days, here are my numbers today-

149.2 pounds
19.9 body fat
66.1 SMM

So, I lost 1.6 pounds and .7% in six days of the Whole 30 and my regular training regiment. Not too shabby.

It's everywhere

Day 6.

All I see around me is candy and donuts and ice cream.

Shit I don't even EAT regularly is looking mighty delicious today.

This morning on FB? Beautiful donuts from The Donuttery for Deadlifts and Donuts at Crossfit.

Students in my first class? Chocolate cookies from the cafeteria. And soft serve.

First afternoon class? Sour gummy worms.


God damn it. Someone talk me down!!!!


Monday, October 5, 2015


Oh no. Not me.

The husband.

The husband that just let it slip that he and his friends all went to Afters tonight.

You know, Afters Ice Cream. Afters Ice Cream that serves HANDMADE ice cream stuffed into FRESH HOT DONUTS?

You know...... Afters.

Whoops, hubby. Whoops.

Good thing he carbo loaded. So he can RUN THE HELL AWAY FROM ME QUICKLY.

Day five folks. Day five.


Weekend One Done

I survived my first weekend!

I made it through the movies, a baby shower, a night in ALONE. Made it through scathe free.

Spent a handful of hours cooking for the week yesterday. Made meal after meal after meal. Fritatta. Burger patties for the freezer, coffee rubbed steak (OMG!!!!), bacon, chicken hash, roasted vegetables, curried chicken, tomato salad, chicken drumsticks...SO MUCH FOOD.

Today I have a terrible terrible headache and I CANNOT get a good nights sleep. But I haven't been hungry or had any stomach discomfort or anything. So, thats a plus. I just keep trying to drink more water, more water, more water. Maybe today I will up my salt content? I don't know.

Today is day 5 and according to the Whole 30 Timeline I am in the stage of "Kill All The Things." So, here goes....

Big Ups to the Husband who sent me funny memes all weekend, helped me with the shopping, and gave me "DEAD EYES" when I was eyeballing anything the kids had. Thanks honey. I hope we make it through the "Kill All The Things" stage!

Here we go!


Saturday, October 3, 2015

Put the thingy in the whats it called

End of Day Three:

I have a headache.
My face feels puffy.
Forming complete thoughts for a majority of the day? Nope. Not this girl.

At Elite Camp this morning I forgot half my gear. I spilled coffee all over my pants. I've been fumbling all my words. I'm a walking disaster. Hurricane Jess. Steer clear.

Then I went to baby shower for my dear friend from FOREVER ago. (TWINS GIRLS!) I planned ahead, stopping by Whole Foods to get lunch. I planned to eat in the car before the shower so I would go in full. Then I practiced saying "No thank you" like the book tells you to.

But....did you know that practically EVERYTHING Whole Food sells in their deli has been cooked in Canola Oil?



Charbroiled Salmon- Sugar and Soy
Blackened Salmon- Expeller Pressed Canola Oil
Herb Roasted Turkey Breast- Expeller Pressed Canola Oil
Charbroiled Chicken Breast - CANOLA OIL (how is that charbroiled then?!)

Hot food bar- Mac and cheese, potatoes, samosas, rice, nope, nope, nope.


I was fit to be tied. Whole Foods people. WHOLE FOODS.

I got some Brussels sprouts (olive oil, salt, and pepper!) and some sweet potato wedges (cumin, paprika, olive oil) and pulled out my phone.

Siri confirmed that yes, according to the Whole 30 website, Canola Oil is accepted "reluctantly." Hallelujah!

I said "No thank you" roughly nine thousand and fourteen times at the baby shower. To the sherbet punch, to the mimosas, to the cupcakes, the sandwiches, the candy buffet, the pasta salad..... My husband sent me funny memes, and a won a gift basket! Turns out, I know the mom-to-be best. TAKE THAT WHOLE 30. TAKE THAT.

Day 3

I survived the movie theater last night. I drank my flavored Perrier and ate my bag of fruit crunchies and I did it. Even though my husband had me passing BUTTERFINGER pieces back and forth to the kids and the kids needed help with their FRUIT SNACKS and the people in front of me were splitting a god damn PIZZA. (Really Antonio and Leo? A whole pizza?! How did you hide that shit on the way in?! And where did you get it from because it smelled so so good. Like cheesy heaven....)

Today, I face the brutality of a baby shower. All the mimosas....the lemonades...the cake pops....and dips...and quiche...and and and....

So tell me, my Whole 30 Homies, whats a girl to do to stay on track? Whats the secret? GIVE ME YOUR WISDOM.


Friday, October 2, 2015

Day 2

So far so good on day two!! Not even a headache!


Good Morning Day 2!

Day two. Up and at em.

Already trained, packed my lunch, planned my day.

Lots of water and iced coffee today.

Going to the movies tonight with the kids. So, mentally preparing for THAT.....


Thursday, October 1, 2015

End of Day One

Well, we did it. We made it to the end of day one. I gotta admit, I really was not expecting to feel any different today. I consider myself a "cleaner" eater than most (feel free to also insert nit-picky, snobby, booshie, or paranoid) so I thought I had this.

But then....

Then the witching hour happened. The afternoon snack that I packed turned out to be less than palatable. I was hungry all through my last class, then I had to pick up the kids, feed them, complete all the homework, be polite on a conference call, my husband was running late, etc etc. I had a crockpot of meat sauce going (thank you morning-smarter-well planned me) but still- I wanted to eat all the things and I wanted a glass of wine.

I did none of those things.

Instead, I sat down at the dinner table and told jokes with my kids and ate my dinner like a grown up. I calmed the fuck down people. That's what I did. And it worked.

I will say this: I have a headache. It's a doozy. So, here's hoping all this water will help eliminate it tomorrow....


Epic Bars?!

This just in: Epic Bars are disgusting.

In other news, I am hungry.


No, Lea. NO.

Friends. We have returned to the land of the black americano.

Although kudos to Lea, the woman at Peet's, that tried convincing me, for three and a half minutes, that the sugar content (second ingredient) in their almond milk is acceptable. Because, you see, its measured by the cup, and I wouldn't actually be drinking the ENTIRE cup, so the grams of sugar would be SIGNIFICANTLY less for me. No? Or how about just using the almond milk as creamer? That would be, like, teaspoons worth!

Americano. No room. PLEASE.

Almost done with day one, Folks. Almost done.


Day One. RIP Beautiful Wine.

It's day one folks. Here we go...