Wednesday, December 9, 2015

A bedtime story

Once upon a time there was a girl that liked to run.

"Hey! Let's sign you up for the LA Marathon," her coach said. And so she did. And she was very excited. Then one day she felt some pain and it didn't go away. Instead, it grew and grew until finally she went to a doctor. For weeks the doctor tried to fix her knee.

The doctor used terms like meniscus and mushy. 

"You cannot run that marathon," the doctor finally said.

"Well, shit," the girl said.

While I'm sitting here, tell me; Do you have a story about an injury? How long was your recovery time? TELL ME EVERYTHING.


Friday, December 4, 2015

Spartan Kids

Tomorrow would have been my last Spartan Race of 2015. I say would have been because I am not racing tomorrow. My knee just won't hold up. I want to race the strongest 2016 I can, so I am resting, recovering, and plotting. Lots of plotting. 

My boys will still run though and I am so excited to cheer them on from the side lines. The last time Oliver ran a Spartan course he hated me. I mean, literally. There were tears. And temper tantrums. Threats of running away. But in the end, we put him on that course, reminded him that he CAN do anything, and then we walked away from him. And guess what? He did it. And then he wrote this in class: 

  "A time I felt excited about something was when I did the spartan race. To begin with I started running through mud pits! They were deep and not so deep. In this case I ran with wet shoes, shirt, and pants that all slowed me down. I then had to jump through and over a fence like structure. I climbed over the  fences on the sides. I put a foot here and a foot there and, well, you get it. Then I had to climb a towering mountain. I had no gear on and I was next to a quarry so it was hard. I made it up there and then I had to go down! That took me longer to do but I made it finally! I saw the finish line! I bolted toward it! And the I put on my medal and I finished! I did come in last but I didn't care!"

This weekend in Castaic, I am predicting the same show from Oliver pre-race. He'll hate me all over again. He'll cry, then I will walk him to the Start Line and I will leave him there. And he will race, because he knows he can.

 A very proud mom,

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Tuesday Weigh In (On a Thursday)


I have some catching up to do! I've abandoned you!

Here's this weeks weigh in:

Pounds- 147.9
SMM - 65.7
Fat - 20.2 (son of a bitch!)

I was KINDA okay with my numbers this week, only because of Thanksgiving. I thought for sure I would come in hot after a few days in Sonoma. But I did my best up there and made sure I still got an hour of cardio in everyday. It was easy, to be honest, because they had a little work out room downstairs! With a bike and elliptical! So, I could pamper my knee and work on those calories. Then I could eat more! Win-Win.

The shoulder has improved, but the knee is proving to be problematic. More on that later.....

Oh! Got some exciting things coming up involving some Paleo Cookbooks......


Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Kids and Food

It never fails. Every time I talk to people about my dietary lifestyle they cock their head to the side and ask, "So what do your kids eat?" Recently I really started to unpack that question. Why is the seemingly natural assumption that my children would NOT eat the same health driven whole food diet? Or, to counter, why does everyone assume children are only willing to eat crap?  

Full disclosure here: I did the same thing. When I first started to be more aware of how much my diet altered my whole being, I really only changed my diet. (Even now, this feels shitty to type out.) I read all of my ingredients, tried new things, spent more on my food. I justified it by saying, oh well I'm training for blah. Or, well they wouldn't eat this anyway.

No. I was right. Of course they wouldn't. Because I never offered it to them.

So, I started swapping things out. Instead of french fries I made sweet potatoes. Instead of breaded chicken strips, I made chicken tenders. Instead of pizza every other night I made ANYTHING ELSE BUT PIZZA. Same with Macaroni and Cheese, which by the way, I never understood how that became a staple. There's not a single real ingredient in there. But, I digress.
Cereal- have you read your kids box of cereal recently? Go. Now. Turn the box over. Read every single ingredient. Now look at the sugar content. Now, don't throw the box out just yet. Just think about it. Stare at the box. Feel guilty about "Wasting Food." Then, throw the box out. Waste the $3 you spent on that sugary food like substance and realize that really what you are doing is making an informed decision about your child's health and then acting on that decision. You know, the same way you do EVERYTHING ELSE AS A PARENT. Immunizations? Gotta research that. Essential oils? Gotta read up on that first. Private school versus public school? Lets do some research. The food we feed our kids? Well, if it's been approved for sale then it must be good! Right?

So, I know. No one wants to be "That Parent." Those parents are obnoxious. I AM OBNOXIOUS. They're terrible! I get it. But do you know what else is terrible? Watching your child's health decline for the sake of convenience. That's terrible.

So, sit down with your kids. Make some informed choices, and then let them decide the types of things they are willing to try. They'll surprise you. (And before you chime in with BUT ITS SO EXPENSIVE! I'm gonna just direct you HERE FIRST. ) 

It amazes me the foods my kid will try. Here is the last shopping list my 9 year old and 6 year old filled out:

And, lest you think they are little angels that never do any wrong, here is what else they added to said shopping list:

Yup. It says poop. I mean, they're still kids. (And poop is always funny!)

I have a whole other post coming up about getting kids eating different things and participating in the kitchen. But for now, just read the back of that cereal box. And curse me under your breath. (I hear you.)

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Tuesday Weigh In Day


I don't much care for today.

I am in pain. My shoulder and knee are killing me. But mostly, my shoulder. It's throbbing up, and down, and laterally. Everything hurts. My knee sucks. I go back to the sports therapist tomorrow, so today I am going to just wallow in it and be a big ole baby. Humor me, Internets. Okay?

Here it is- Tuesday Weigh In:

151.1 pounds
67.2 SMM
19.7 Body Fat

So, up up and up. Stoked on the weight and the SMM, not on the Body Fat. But, it is what it is.


Monday, November 16, 2015



I logged some serious miles this week.

Monday- 12 miles
Tuesday- 6 miles
Wednesday- 4 miles
Thursday- 5 miles
Saturday - 2 miles
Sunday- 6 miles

A total last week of 35 miles last week. That's pretty great!

Saw the Sports Doctor this morning for my knee. No lunges, no squats, no deadlifts, and no running for just a little bit. I can still use the elliptical or the bike, so I will do that to keep my cardio and endurance up.

Happy non-running,

P.S. Check out my instagram for the AWESOME contest I won!!!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Tuesday Weigh In


It's Tuesday.

Here is my weigh in info:

147.2 Pounds
66.1 SMM
18.6 % fat

Guys. This is an awesome weigh in and I'm wicked stoked.

In Marathon news, I completed my longest run yesterday; Twelve miles, unbroken. I gave myself 30 second breaks for water at the 5 and 10 mile marks. Here is what I learned on that run:

  1. It was so god damn hard.
  2. Now that my training runs are this long, I need to bring fuel for the actual run. Water was not enough. By the time I finished the run I was shaky and a little dizzy. I inhaled a protein bar in the car on the way home and that still wasn't enough.
  3. Going unbroken seems to be best; my legs didn't seize up on "breaks."
  4. The last mile was hard. I almost didn't finish. Luckily for me my sister-in-law kept an ongoing stream of baby related texts coming at me so I was distracted. She saved this run.
  5. My knee held up but HOT DAMN is it sore today.

I told my coach that the next time he schedules me for a 12 miler he needs to be there to carry me home when I'm done. He agreed.

Six miles today! Then a "rest week" whatever THAT means.

95 days left....95 days.


Friday, November 6, 2015

100 Days Away

As of yesterday, we are 100 days away from the L.A. Marathon 2016.

Lace up those running shoes kiddos. Hit the road.

100 days.....100 days.... 99 days.....99 days.....

Go #teamdanger!


Monday, November 2, 2015

Halloween and Reintroduction


How was your Halloween? Ours was a blast. Kids had fun, lots of other kids trick or treating with us, grown ups all dressed up. All over general awesomeness. Also, REINTRODUCTION DAY ONE!  I got to have wine on Halloween. The limit I set myself was two glasses......I definitely went over two glasses, that's for sure. And, at the end of he night I had a Take 5 from my 9 year old's candy bag. 

Fine. Two Take 5's.

Then I made my husband hide the bags. FROM ME.

I was frantically reading The Whole 30 book, in my kitchen, a little tipsy, still dressed as a Price is Right Showgirl, trying to read WHEN candy bars were allowed on the reintroduction plan. (Hint- THEY'RE NOT.) So, whatever. I was already a bottle deep (Whoops) so I had the candy and went to bed.

The next morning I wasn't hungover. From alcohol. I was hungover FROM SUGAR. So gross. So, I guess it wound up being the best day ever for Cory and I to start our 21 Day Sugar Detox.

This will be interesting, because despite completing the Whole 30, I still eat a lot of sugar. Lots of fruit, this one. And Cory has a sweet tooth like no other. So, here we go! 21 DSD!

You know what really helps cure a sugar hangover? 10 mile runs. Marathon training, yo. Sweat it out!


Friday, October 30, 2015

Day 30


We did it.

Assuming my face doesn't fall into a box of donuts from now until I fall asleep, we have successfully completed our first Whole 30. Through weddings with open bars, birthday parties with candy buffets,  travelling Comedy Festivals, and even Las Vegas we stuck to the plan. We stayed the course.

We did it.

My husband gave me the SWEETEST gift today. Go check out my Instagram page to see it! I couldn't believe it! Also, shout out to all my dearhearted students that read this blog and interrogate me regarding all things Whole 30 in the classroom. You guys are awesome.

Wish me, and my donut-less face, good luck these last few hours.


Thursday, October 29, 2015

Day 29....


Guys. That was actually REALLY fast.

I never understood why some people were using #Whole45. Now I do.


Hallelujah. Because the idea of going back to eating OFF the Whole 30 now is TERRIFYING.

I can't believe I am done with The Whole 30. Which is why I've decided to keep it a Whole 45. The results are REALLY that awesome.

But you know what my proudest result is?

My husband and 9 year old son WANT to do one. Like, they ASKED me about it.


How amazing is that?

I'll just be over here in the corner, eating my food, cheering on my awesome family.

(P.S. for more pictures of what I eat check out the ole Instagram!)

Tuesday, October 27, 2015


I almost forgot! It's Tuesday! Here is my weigh in information: (Reader, I cringe.)

146.4 pounds
65.7 lbs SMM
19.4 % body fat

For those of you keeping track, thats NOT GOOD.

That's up in body fat and down in SMM. No no noooooooo!

More protein. Seriously. MORE PROTEIN.

Anyone have any suggestions? As my marathon training progresses I'll keep running the risk of losing my muscle mass. This will not do.

So, Dear Readers, how do you protect your muscle mass while putting in extra miles?

Change of Perspective

 Hey Internets!

Manuel is back with another motivating post for us! This one is solid. Manny reminds me ALL THE TIME to keep my head in the game, and I hope he does that for you too. Here we go!


     So I started writing this couple days ago and was not happy with it. The title kept ringing

in my head but I just couldn’t get it done. Until today that I read these quotes

“remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go” and “you may not be

where you want, but not where you were.”

     We’ve all heard these before or some sort of variation; like the cup half full or half

empty kind’ a thing - which I still get confused. But to me it resounds truer than ever

especially on the ever-elusive quest of personal fitness. Side note - had to make sure

‘truer’ is right just in case Professor Danger got on my case. (Prof. D. here: He's right.)

     See, I love working out because it’s a parallel of life – you get what you put into it. Same

with our bodies, we feel and perform according to what we eat. So it’s all connected –

ok, got sidetracked, ADD is kicking in. My point is… If you’re like me that am too hard on

myself, ease off some of the pressure. Now don’t slack off, keep pressing – literally.

     Even if you’re “back to square one” – I was playing monopoly recently – (gosh this ADD

thing). My… point… is… Every major change takes time and perseverance and there are

no shortcuts. But you can focus on what you have left or how much you have

accomplished. So far it’s working well.

     Hope you’re having a great week. If not, change your perspective 

Let’s go!


Monday, October 26, 2015

A Weekend in Vegas on the Whole 30

Yes, yes it has been too long.

Here is how you survive the Whole 30 while in Vegas: Stay away from all things Vegasy.

We were in Las Vegas this weekend visiting my brother and his family. I didn't even have to pack any food in my purse this time! But I did eat ground turkey, brussels sprout slaw, and yams in the dark in the middle of the desert while driving, which did not please my mother. We went hiking and grilled out and the kids made s'mores. And! And! Get this- I was helping my youngest smoosh his marshmallow in between his graham crackers and I got a bunch of marshmallow goo on my thumb and forefinger. Enough to eat.....but I did not. I left it there on my fingers until we were all done with everything and then I went inside and washed my hands. Made it out unscathed.

Here is a non-scale victory for you, to the largest degree. With all the strength training this year and how great I feel now on the Whole 30 I am able to do things I never thought I would be able to do. Things I didn't even know I WANTED to do until I discovered them. A few weeks ago I was able to overhead press my 6 year old to the ceiling while he pretended to be Wolverine. This weekend my non-scale victory was helping my brother take the engine out of our Dad's old 1950 Chevy pick-up. I was strong enough, I am strong enough, to be out there in the garage helping him the whole way. And that is something.

Only a few more days on the Whole 30. I am almost finished! We'll get there yet!

P.S. YOU GUYS. My students READ MY BLOG. How cool is that? (Hello students!)

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Day 20

Hey! It's Tuesday! I weighed in with my coach this morning:

149.1 pounds
67.0 SMM
19.1 % body fat

So, my body fat is down 03%. I gained 1.5 pounds BUT my SMM is up 1.1 so I'm pleased. (Do you hear that, Gregg? I'm pleased!)

Yesterday I was heading to a fancy dinner with my husband and I knew that there would be NOTHING for me to eat, so I packed a pork chop and a sweet potato in my purse. I was immediately pissed.

I am. So. Sick. of PURSE FOOD.

And my husband knew it, so instead he took me out to dinner at this cool little gastro pub in Carlsbad called The Compass. They server was SO NICE and she let me bombard her with questions and she brought me EXACTLY what I wanted. And it was delicious. And I didn't have to cook it!

I threw the pork chop away. DEFINITELY still ate the sweet potato.

It was a welcome reprieve.

P.S. Check out my Instagram page! I started my marathon training. You can poke fun at how slow I am !

Monday, October 19, 2015

How Bad Do You Want It?

 Hey Internets!
Today we have a nice little gem of a post from one of my teamates, Manuel. Here's a little sneak peek into what goes on in that head of his when we train together. He's an awesome training partner and I am so excited to share this post with you.


Defeat disappointment, annihilate weakness, and punish the competition… Those words

kept ringing in my ear throughout a nice workout this morning. Who is the competition?

For me, it is myself… I don’t worry about the next person. That takes care of itself. If I

keep pushing I know eventually I’ll get to a point where I can pick a “rabbit” to go after.

Today was one of those workouts that you’re like “Shit, I don’t know if I’m gonna finish

this.” You look left and right, back and forth for an excuse. Oooh, my hands hurt, I’m out

of breath, my legs are sore, etc. But trust me, when you keep those words in your head,

you keep yourself in check. You don’t have to be the strongest or the fastest; God knows

I’m not. Go lighter in weight if you have to, there’s no shame on that. I did today, and do

often. Just make sure it is something that gets you out of a comfort zone safely and is

one more step towards being the best version of you.

By the way, those words: “defeat disappointment, annihilate weakness, and punish the

competition” are not my own. I encourage you to watch this video every so often and

tell me what you think in the comments.

How Bad Do You Want It?

Let’s go!


p.s. sorry about the ads on the video.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

We Did It!

Look! Cory completed his first Obstacle Course Race!

He loved it! The second we crossed the start line he was on fire! I knew we were on to something when he snapped at the people walking in front of us on the stairs. I was like, "Dang! Here comes the competitive side!" It was SO. MUCH. FUN.

And! And! And!

There was a partner carry obstacle. Yup. I did it. I carried him on my back for the second half. SURE AS HELL DID.

And then, to top it all off, at the end of the day we had a nice little Team Building Experiment. On the side of the 405.

The team "Magic Bus" broke down. Here's my husband, my training partner Manny, and my Coach Gregg. Our final obstacle of the day took hours, but we had a great time even on the side of the road.

Speaking of Manny, make sure you come back tomorrow! He is guest blogging and it is SOLID. You'll want to read it. You really will.

Happy Sunday All,



Friday, October 16, 2015

Gladiator Rock n' Run

Tomorrow I will run my first race on the Whole 30. Usually I have oatmeal in the morning with a ton of berries. Then, on the course I have Clif Shot Bloks (Yay Clif!) about every mile or so. I'll drop some electrolyte tabs in my hydration kit too. These things help keep me going and hydrated.

But you cannot have these things on the Whole 30.


I have packed a banana (I am so. sick. of. bananas!) with some raisins for pre-race, plain water for hydration, and a RX Bar for protein after the race.

I am a little nervous, truth be told. However, I am not running for time tomorrow, just for fun (how novel!) so this is helping calm the competition beast.

Also, can we talk about how AWESOME is it that The Femme Royale POSTED ME TO THEIR FACEBOOK PAGE?!


Thursday, October 15, 2015

Are we there yet?

Today is day 15. Assuming I can successfully keep my face out of cake or a bottle of wine until I collapse from exhaustion at 8:30 at night, I will have completed half of The Whole 30.

And look what The Hubs did for me!  I left for the gym extra early this morning (thank you JURY DUTY) and this was waiting for me!

So. Folks, it looks like we're doing it. I already posted a list of benefits so far and I stand by those. I feel better than I have in forever.

The hardest thing so far? Coffee.  The first few days I was still having coffee, but technically coffee is NOT allowed on the 30 day Paleo Challenge. My coach "lovingly" corrected me on day seven. So I've weened off of it significantly. I am down to one french press in the morning. For those of you that know me, you know this is a big deal. You don't have to hold your applause! Let me hear you!

But seriously guys, the coffee is the thing. I craaaaaave it. I find myself trying to rationalize reasons to have some.

"It's a double dipper day."
"I started at 5 this morning."
"I have evening classes."

And, my favorite so far, "I CAN DO WHAT I WANT."

But cutting down on my coffee intake has helped my performance in heaps. I don't feel dehydrated after my training sessions, I don't get headaches after working out, and I am definitely (FINALLY) sleeping better.

To be honest, I don't know if I will maintain this forever. I really like coffee. REALLY. But, it's nice to have a basic understanding of how my body reacts to coffee and then proceed from there. So, we'll see.


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Bacon Soup

I sent The Hubs to Costco for me last week, with a list. I should have proofread the list because when he came home with two bags of mixed peppers, three boxes of tomatoes, and two HUGE bags of cut vegetables I died a little inside. God bless the man for his patience. He didn't even say anything.

So now I have all these extra vegetables, like enough for an army of starving vegans. (They always look so hungry!)

This morning I was in a particularly great mood (THANK YOU WHOLE 30) so while I graded the last of my Don Quixote essays I started cooking. I roasted half the broccoli and made a chopped broccoli salad with the other half. I curried all the cauliflower. I peeled all three boxes of tomatoes for tomato soup.

Did you hear me?


I made two packs of perfect bacon. Perfect. I roasted three whole sweet potatoes.

Hey wait a minute.

Bacon. Tomato soup.

Guess what I had for lunch?

Like, half of it.

I was hungry. And it was delicious.

So thanks Babe. Thanks for humoring your scatterbrained wife who sends you to Costco with a shopping list meant for Sprouts. You're the man, man. (There's a little soup with bacon left for you at home honey. And I mean a little!)


Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Weigh In Day

It's Tuesday. It's weigh in day. Here goes:

147.6 pounds
19.4 % body fat
65.9 muscle mass

So, since starting the 30 day challenge I have lost 4 pounds and about 1% body fat. In twelve days. Not bad. (Note- you are NOT supposed to weigh yourself on the Whole 30!)

Here's a list of benefits I've already noticed:

  • My husband complimented my skin the other day (out of nowhere! he wasn't even in trouble!)
  • I FEEL leaner
  • The waist of all my pants are loose (yay!)
  • I am DEFINITELY less stinky when I sweat (lets be real here folks)
  • My hair is shinier. I know, I know. But, really. I had my husband pet it the other day it was so soft. And yesterday someone at the gym complimented it, so- validation. Not crazy. It's actually shinier.
  • General mood improvement - especially at night. No more raging Momster during the witching hour (Praise Norma!)

So far so good. Today is day thirteen. Almost halfway there.

You know what I miss the most? It's not even wine, which is what I THOUGHT it would be. It's peanut butter. I REALLLLLLLLLY miss peanut butter. Soon. Soon.....


Sunday, October 11, 2015


Hi! Hello! Hey!

I survived the wedding! I DID IT. I ignored the open bar and the cupcakes that were piled high with frosting, some of them dipped in fudge sauce even. Sitting there....gleaming in all their chocolate glory.....

Who am I kidding. IT WAS SO FUCKING HARD.

But, I did it. Everyone made fun of my purse food. For the FIRST half. Then, after dinner service was delayed TWICE and I was the ONLY one eating, you better believe they wanted in on that chicken and sweet potato. I had no shame. Plopped those bad boys out onto my plate, unwrapped my silverware, and peppered everything. Like a boss.

Instead of eating cupcakes I dance the night away with little long haired Brooklyn. That boy slid on his knees across the dance floor to me, shook it to Footloose and even TWIRLED me TWICE with those little boy arms. He was a solid leader.

Tonight we are going to Oddball Fest at Irvine Meadows. But this time, security will check my bag. And probably take my purse food. So, we shall play it by ear friends.

Cross your fingers for me!


Thursday, October 8, 2015

I Survived Week One

Well, we did folks. We survived week one.

I have to tell you, I do feel amazing. For some reason I am having the hardest time sleeping though, which is an odd side effect to have. It doesn't seem like many people experience insomnia on the 30 Day Challenge, so if you have some helpful advice for me I will take it.

Yesterday almost did me in. I turned in my manuscript packet for the month (late) and could not make my celebratory dinner and open a bottle of wine. And I reeeeallllllly mourned that. I felt it people. FELT IT. And I was upset over something I had no business being upset about and I discovered that my response was to eat. Anything. Specifically, anything that is not Whole 30. Which, thanks to the husband, I didn't. But it was an eye-opener in terms of eating behavior to be sure.

I am going to a wedding tomorrow guys. A wedding. With delicious food. And cake. And champagne. AND AN OPEN BAR. I am a little stumped on how to proceed. I filled out my food preferences months ago - the hubs got steak and I got chicken. But I am sure it will be sauced or stuffed or whatever and I don't know what to do. Pack food in my purse? Privately ask the caterer to accommodate me? Is that rude? And like, what if someone says something about me pulling half a roasted chicken out of my purse? TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, October 6, 2015

End of Day 6 - Hint...It was a son of a bitch

Well, we did it.

Pretty solid sugar cravings all day, but we made it through. The poor student in my 4:00 class ate two chocolate chip cookies the size of HIS FACE in front of me today. I mean, he sits right in front of my desk, and like, the child can eat whatever he wants...BUT STILL.

Pretty solid, food wise, all day. All that cooking on Sunday is paying off. Had fritatta with bacon and avocado and pico de gallo for breakfast. Chicken hash for lunch. Chicken, squash soup, and a huge salad for dinner. All from The Whole 30 cookbook. Needed snacks today (this morning's workout was in-fucking-tense) but I had my handy dandy RX bar in my bag, and some berries.

But, I did break a rule today. It's true. Look at me- rule breaking. I weighed myself today, which according to the Whole 30 rule #7 you are not to do.


It's Tuesday, and I always weigh in for my records and for my coach on Tuesday's. That's what we do. So that's what I did. And, even though we are NOT supposed to gauge weight loss during the 30 days, here are my numbers today-

149.2 pounds
19.9 body fat
66.1 SMM

So, I lost 1.6 pounds and .7% in six days of the Whole 30 and my regular training regiment. Not too shabby.

It's everywhere

Day 6.

All I see around me is candy and donuts and ice cream.

Shit I don't even EAT regularly is looking mighty delicious today.

This morning on FB? Beautiful donuts from The Donuttery for Deadlifts and Donuts at Crossfit.

Students in my first class? Chocolate cookies from the cafeteria. And soft serve.

First afternoon class? Sour gummy worms.


God damn it. Someone talk me down!!!!


Monday, October 5, 2015


Oh no. Not me.

The husband.

The husband that just let it slip that he and his friends all went to Afters tonight.

You know, Afters Ice Cream. Afters Ice Cream that serves HANDMADE ice cream stuffed into FRESH HOT DONUTS?

You know...... Afters.

Whoops, hubby. Whoops.

Good thing he carbo loaded. So he can RUN THE HELL AWAY FROM ME QUICKLY.

Day five folks. Day five.


Weekend One Done

I survived my first weekend!

I made it through the movies, a baby shower, a night in ALONE. Made it through scathe free.

Spent a handful of hours cooking for the week yesterday. Made meal after meal after meal. Fritatta. Burger patties for the freezer, coffee rubbed steak (OMG!!!!), bacon, chicken hash, roasted vegetables, curried chicken, tomato salad, chicken drumsticks...SO MUCH FOOD.

Today I have a terrible terrible headache and I CANNOT get a good nights sleep. But I haven't been hungry or had any stomach discomfort or anything. So, thats a plus. I just keep trying to drink more water, more water, more water. Maybe today I will up my salt content? I don't know.

Today is day 5 and according to the Whole 30 Timeline I am in the stage of "Kill All The Things." So, here goes....

Big Ups to the Husband who sent me funny memes all weekend, helped me with the shopping, and gave me "DEAD EYES" when I was eyeballing anything the kids had. Thanks honey. I hope we make it through the "Kill All The Things" stage!

Here we go!


Saturday, October 3, 2015

Put the thingy in the whats it called

End of Day Three:

I have a headache.
My face feels puffy.
Forming complete thoughts for a majority of the day? Nope. Not this girl.

At Elite Camp this morning I forgot half my gear. I spilled coffee all over my pants. I've been fumbling all my words. I'm a walking disaster. Hurricane Jess. Steer clear.

Then I went to baby shower for my dear friend from FOREVER ago. (TWINS GIRLS!) I planned ahead, stopping by Whole Foods to get lunch. I planned to eat in the car before the shower so I would go in full. Then I practiced saying "No thank you" like the book tells you to.

But....did you know that practically EVERYTHING Whole Food sells in their deli has been cooked in Canola Oil?



Charbroiled Salmon- Sugar and Soy
Blackened Salmon- Expeller Pressed Canola Oil
Herb Roasted Turkey Breast- Expeller Pressed Canola Oil
Charbroiled Chicken Breast - CANOLA OIL (how is that charbroiled then?!)

Hot food bar- Mac and cheese, potatoes, samosas, rice, nope, nope, nope.


I was fit to be tied. Whole Foods people. WHOLE FOODS.

I got some Brussels sprouts (olive oil, salt, and pepper!) and some sweet potato wedges (cumin, paprika, olive oil) and pulled out my phone.

Siri confirmed that yes, according to the Whole 30 website, Canola Oil is accepted "reluctantly." Hallelujah!

I said "No thank you" roughly nine thousand and fourteen times at the baby shower. To the sherbet punch, to the mimosas, to the cupcakes, the sandwiches, the candy buffet, the pasta salad..... My husband sent me funny memes, and a won a gift basket! Turns out, I know the mom-to-be best. TAKE THAT WHOLE 30. TAKE THAT.

Day 3

I survived the movie theater last night. I drank my flavored Perrier and ate my bag of fruit crunchies and I did it. Even though my husband had me passing BUTTERFINGER pieces back and forth to the kids and the kids needed help with their FRUIT SNACKS and the people in front of me were splitting a god damn PIZZA. (Really Antonio and Leo? A whole pizza?! How did you hide that shit on the way in?! And where did you get it from because it smelled so so good. Like cheesy heaven....)

Today, I face the brutality of a baby shower. All the mimosas....the lemonades...the cake pops....and dips...and quiche...and and and....

So tell me, my Whole 30 Homies, whats a girl to do to stay on track? Whats the secret? GIVE ME YOUR WISDOM.


Friday, October 2, 2015

Day 2

So far so good on day two!! Not even a headache!


Good Morning Day 2!

Day two. Up and at em.

Already trained, packed my lunch, planned my day.

Lots of water and iced coffee today.

Going to the movies tonight with the kids. So, mentally preparing for THAT.....


Thursday, October 1, 2015

End of Day One

Well, we did it. We made it to the end of day one. I gotta admit, I really was not expecting to feel any different today. I consider myself a "cleaner" eater than most (feel free to also insert nit-picky, snobby, booshie, or paranoid) so I thought I had this.

But then....

Then the witching hour happened. The afternoon snack that I packed turned out to be less than palatable. I was hungry all through my last class, then I had to pick up the kids, feed them, complete all the homework, be polite on a conference call, my husband was running late, etc etc. I had a crockpot of meat sauce going (thank you morning-smarter-well planned me) but still- I wanted to eat all the things and I wanted a glass of wine.

I did none of those things.

Instead, I sat down at the dinner table and told jokes with my kids and ate my dinner like a grown up. I calmed the fuck down people. That's what I did. And it worked.

I will say this: I have a headache. It's a doozy. So, here's hoping all this water will help eliminate it tomorrow....


Epic Bars?!

This just in: Epic Bars are disgusting.

In other news, I am hungry.


No, Lea. NO.

Friends. We have returned to the land of the black americano.

Although kudos to Lea, the woman at Peet's, that tried convincing me, for three and a half minutes, that the sugar content (second ingredient) in their almond milk is acceptable. Because, you see, its measured by the cup, and I wouldn't actually be drinking the ENTIRE cup, so the grams of sugar would be SIGNIFICANTLY less for me. No? Or how about just using the almond milk as creamer? That would be, like, teaspoons worth!

Americano. No room. PLEASE.

Almost done with day one, Folks. Almost done.


Day One. RIP Beautiful Wine.

It's day one folks. Here we go...


Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Tuesday Weigh In

Back into the gym this morning for our regularly scheduled programming (that's always funny!). Its TUESDAY!!! That's weigh in day folks. So here we go, Internets.

150.8 pounds
20.6 % body fat
66.1 SMM

Nothing to write home about. That stomach bug tossed my SMM in reverse for a minute, but that's okay. We shall overcome...

After I dropped the kids off I popped over to Sprouts (a sweaty mess OF COURSE) and ran around like a madman trying to get a few groceries before work. I tried to only purchase ingredients, as opposed to food products, so that when I do have time to sit down and meal prep I will be prepared. Sweet P's, chicken, lots of veggies, apples, bananas, peppers, onions, so on...

But then I grabbed a Chocolate Chip Complete Cookie. Because, simple carbs yo!

Thursday! Thursday! Thursday!


Monday, September 28, 2015

Stomach Flu of DEATH

Well. I've already let you down. No post in what, ten days? The stomach flu hit our house like a hurricane. Our youngest brought it home first, then it quickly worked to fell the remainder. I ate nothing for three days except pretzels and San Pellegrino sparkling orange drink. Neither of those are paleo. Not at all. Not even a smidge....

Yesterday I completed the Spartan Sprint in Temecula, Ca. I was shoveling things in my mouth the entire distance of the course to keep me going. Cliff Shot Blocks. Honey Stinger Waffles. Mustard for cramping. (Sooooo much mustard and still sooooo much cramping!) And at the end of the 5.6 mile long 104 degree course an angel of mercy appeared in front of me and handed me a FitAid drink. And you better believe I drank it. And then, at the bottom of the can, I read: PALEO FRIENDLY.

Oh shit.

Thats rigggghhhhht.

I have this Paleo thing coming up.

So, here we are. It is September 28th. Two more days in which I can drink wine and eat chocolate and not bat an eye. Two more days, people!

Two. Days.


Friday, September 18, 2015

Thats a lot of sausage...

This morning at breakfast I grabbed a box of frozen breakfast sausage. I don't usually keep stuff like this in the house, but I grabbed it from Whole Foods at my middle son's request. The second ingredient in the sausage was honey. The seventh was condensed milk. Yes. In sausage. Also, did you catch that? The seventh ingredient. That's a lot of ingredients for sausage!) They ate it, and it was fine. But I passed on it. Milk and honey sausage? Not allowed on the 30 day challenge.

I need to get down to work and put in a solid day of cooking. It is so much easier when the freezer is stocked with things I can just grab and not worry about. No evaporated or condensed milk, or honey, or a list of ingredients I can't pronounce.

The weekend is coming...Wish me luck....


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Rosh Hashan-OH SHIT

So, lets talk about last nights dinner. We got home late, but I had already defrosted some Mini Meatloaves from Pre-Made Paleo. I warmed the meatloaves up, fixed a salad, added some leftover macaroni and cheese for the kids, and some green beans. Then, at the very last minute, without even thinking I dumped some of the Brussel sprout we took home from my mother-in-law's rosh hashanah dinner on our plates. Later that night while doing the dishes it occurred to me "Shit! Those Brussel sprouts were drenched in cheese and butter!" All that effort all day long and I blew it in one fell swoop of the serving spoon. But the bigger picture here is how easy it was to make that mistake. It really hit me how vigilant i'll have to be during the actual 30 Day Challenge. If this were it, and I made the same Brussel Sprout mistake, I would have to start all over. All. Over.


Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Tuesday Weigh In

First day of pre-detox

So, here goes. Big brave step - here is my weigh in information. On the internet. For all to see. FOREVER. I currently weigh 150.9 pounds, with a muscle mass of 67.2 and 19.8 body fat percentage. And I'm proud of that weigh in. I am a big strong girl, and I love it.

My first pre-detox step is beginning to remove dairy. Instead of milk in my coffee this morning I used coconut milk. Which was fine, until I spent an hour and a half on the freeway in the rain only to finally get to campus and discover that they only serve SOY MILK as an alternative. Which will not do. So, I had my Americano black. I survived.

The second thing I did to help jumpstart this thing is clean out my pantry. My husband and kids are not doing this challenge with me, so their food will remain in the house. Untouched. Beckoning me when I feel weak. Calling out to me in the night. Looking delicious...But thats another story. Instead, I cleaned out my box in the pantry. No more Rise Bars, (I had TWO yesterday) Cliff Bars, Kind Bars, (and one of these!) none of it. All of it - gone. Including my sugar coated gummy vitamins, and any recovery drink/powder/mix with added sugar. Gone. I brought a big bag of it all to my classes and doled them out to my college students. I felt bad about it at first, I did. But, judging by the rate they disappeared from my desk, these college students need some protein! And some vitamins. (Also- cold season is AROUND THE CORNER PEOPLE! Take those vitamins kids! Take em!)

The Rise bars were hard to part with. Those Almond Honey gems are delicious. They are. I immediately started rationalizing having "just one more" when I remembered my Americano. I didn't have that bad boy black just to falter only an hour later for a protein bar.

Also, this shit's gonna be hard people.


Monday, September 14, 2015

So this is it...

Hello! You've found me. Welcome.

This blog is designed to document my attempt at a 30 day Paleo Challenge. The idea is documenting what it looks like, daily, for the average person to "Go Paleo" for thirty days. And I am just that; a mere mortal.

My name is Jessica Danger. (Yes! FOR REALS!) I am a wife and mother. My husband and I are small business owners here in our town, Laguna Niguel. He owns and operates a barber shop and also a store for men; grooming products, barber supplies, all the products they want and need. He also produces a Tattoo Convention, Musink, and barbers on site for events across the state.  All this to say, he works A LOT. I also work. I am an english professor at two local colleges. I teach composition, literature, and creative writing. I am in the classroom five days a week with a majority of my preparation and grading done at home at my little desk in my bedroom.

We have three boys; 17, 9, and 6. With them comes all the normal trappings of parenting, right? School, sports, homework, lunches, volunteering, social activities, birthday parties, on and on and on it seems. So, thats us. Pretty average folks! Except, I mean, we are kinda awesome. But still....

My 30 day challenge will begin October 1. In the meantime, I am working on taking some notes and thinking about eliminating the non-compliant foods now. My goal (I think) is to document everything here- and I mean EVERYTHING - so you can see it in all its glory. Including my weigh ins, my frustrations, my screaming at random people on the street as I detox from sugar and carbohydrates...I'm gonna just apologize now... You're welcome.

So, here we go! Tomorrow will be my first "pre-de-tox" day.

Wish me luck! And lets just see what happens.